update merapu

ok..i start loosing my grip..it becomes harder for me to handle all the stress, conflicts and thoughts about my wedding..of course deep inside my heart..i am super duper happy to be married..cant wait to live happily ever after (insya-Allah) with mon prince charmant
BUT..this is too much! i didnt know that a wedding can really drive me crazy (i am not a bridezilla..just not yet!)

i dunt know where shud i start..and hell no, i dont know how to complain..people may see me as a b2b who is excited about her wedding and handle so well all the tasks.. but not so many can see my gloomy-not-so-cheerful side.

major source of the stress comes from me..where i start to have some thoughts..and questions start with "what if" become common in my mind right now. And those questions touch every aspects, including past life, life after marriage and you-know-what. And i dont have any answer for those Q, thus it kinda scares me..well a lot!

and i already have nightmares ok. started with the one that i have months ago. bole tak sy mimpi terlupe yg ari tu supposed to be ari my akad nikah, sampai le my tunang sms me ckp he's on the way to my house dgn rombongan keluarganye for the akad ceremony?panikkkk ok!

mimpi seterusnya, me n him was dlm jamuan makan2, and i saw a simple pelamin on stage (i guess dlm dewan la kot) and a lady sat on it..and suddenly my fiance asked my permission to be on stage, as he's married to that lady (bulat mate i when he said that) but he gently promised me that he's going to file a divorce asap so that we can get married afterwards.. jumpe kat opis keesokan harinya, i directly asked him who was the lady in my dream..bole takk??hahahha

Tadaaaaaa! that's current me.. result of being away from him for 5 days + an ex who tried to reach me.

makin nak dekat makin, makin tak tau nak update pasal ape dah..hahhhhhaaa sorry guys